Excerpt From a Letter You'll Never Read

That's when I realized you learn more about a person through their favorite books, songs and quotes then you ever could from their words. It's easy to be deceived by words, people's truths are told when you look at the things they love...the things they relate to.

Transition Period

Cancer, she told me
It's not terminal, you'll be fine
You'll just need surgery and treatment
And then,
Good as new

Good as new?
It wasn't terminal
I didn't die
But something in me did

The care free
The not a worry in the world
The it only happens to other people
Person inside me died

I mourned the loss
As I would any loss
A part of me was gone
and it will never be back

Once the mourning was done
I had been grateful
For the person that had been left behind
Was a girl stronger then she could've ever imagined before

I live each day as if it's my last
I put myself first
I'm not as good as new
I'm better...I'm braver

A Work In Progress

Change terrifies me
but at the same time I find that I crave it so intensely

I feel as though I'm stuck in these ruts of mundane routine
grasping at anything that will wake me up
from the safe consistency of everyday life.

Excerpt From a Book That Remains Unwritten # 2

As a kid I had always believed that the world was all good. Good isn't the word I would use anymore but that’s what I thought when I was little. I couldn’t believe that fire had existed. How could something that caused so much damage be allowed to exist on this Earth filled with trips to the beach, vacations with my family and playdates with friends every other day. I had it all, how could something that caused so much heartache be allowed to exist when there was all of this “good” in my world. Part of me would do just about anything to go back to that innocent state of mind where anything that caused pain just simply couldn't exist. Looking back now, the other part of me is glad that I don’t still have that state of mind because when I learned for the first time that life wasn't all good, I had been destroyed in every sense of the word. I couldn't believe that these bad things actually happened.

As a middle school girl I had always struggled with image and friendships and I had thought that those thing I had struggled with were awful…life altering. Don’t get me wrong, they were difficult and I had really struggled but no mean girl from school could ever prepare me for the heartbreak I would soon feel and then continue to feel for what seemed like an eternity. In my short twenty years on this Earth, I can already look back in my life to a specific date and time and pinpoint when my life changed. When I was no longer concerned with the girls at school or how I looked everyday because all of a sudden those things were so irrelevant in comparison to the real world tragedies I now had to face as a then sixteen year old girl.