Dream a Little Dream

I don’t know where I go in my sleep,

but,

I know wherever it may be,

you’ll be there,

and that is enough

to make me rest my head and drift off

to a place I’ve never been before.

"New Normal"

I have to try and cope with this new normal.

I'm getting sick of doing that "new normal" bull shit.

Adjusting is exhausting.

Holding on to the past and what I used to have is exhausting.
...but I think I'll do it for just a little bit longer.

I'm comfortable there, I know who I am there, how can I go back there?

Excerpt From a Letter You'll Never Read #3

It always seemed that you had struggled to express just how you were feeling.
Like there were thousands of ideas and words hidden behind your eyes but you were too afraid to share.

Sometimes I wonder if that's why you were unable to express whether or not you had cared for me.
Truly cared.

I don't think I want to know whether or not that is true.
I feel as though whether or not you cared more then you had been able to express, it would hurt to know either way.

If you weren't able to express it, would things be different now?
If you were able to express it and simply didn't care...why did you stay as long as you did?

Why did I stay as long as I did?

Dear Diary #2

Do you ever get your period and you're numb from sadness but you also want to dance and feel pretty but at the same time kill someone while snuggling puppies and donating your uterus to science because the CRAMPS ARE SO  BAD? 

Asking for a friend

Excerpt From a Letter You'll Never Read #2

It’s scary to think that someone who meant so much to me didn’t have any idea who I really was. It terrifies me to think that maybe you thought I wanted you in my life only to “fix my problems.”

I’m honestly not even sure what problems I had that you thought you, or anyone, would be able to fix.

How could anyone fix a cancer diagnosis or a parents divorce?

All I wanted from you was happiness, some sort of distraction to pull me from what I had been going through.

Excerpt From a Letter You'll Never Read

That's when I realized you learn more about a person through their favorite books, songs and quotes then you ever could from their words. It's easy to be deceived by words, people's truths are told when you look at the things they love...the things they relate to.

Transition Period

Cancer, she told me
It's not terminal, you'll be fine
You'll just need surgery and treatment
And then,
Good as new

Good as new?
It wasn't terminal
I didn't die
But something in me did

The care free
The not a worry in the world
The it only happens to other people
Person inside me died

I mourned the loss
As I would any loss
A part of me was gone
and it will never be back

Once the mourning was done
I had been grateful
For the person that had been left behind
Was a girl stronger then she could've ever imagined before

I live each day as if it's my last
I put myself first
I'm not as good as new
I'm better...I'm braver