Tuesday, December 27, 2016

We as Humans

We’ve all had experiences that have brought us to the darkest places we could ever fear to face.

Now imagine you had the power to pull someone out of that dark place even for a single second.

That’s the most amazing gift we as humans have been given.

Why waste a day stuck in your own world when you could be doing anything in order to make someone else’s journey just a little easier?

I truly believe that I had been put on this Earth in order to make people’s journeys easier. Whether it’s as simple as holding the door open for someone or saving a friend because I knew her future held amazing opportunities, I feel as though every little thing I do should benefit others in some way.

When I think about the lowest point I have been in my life I can't help but to also think about the things that pulled me out of that hell for a moment. The people around me had the power to save me from drowning and they are constant reminders of how much power I have when it comes to making other people's journeys easier.

Don't take that power for granted.

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

What a Scary Thought

What happened to love being enough? When I was younger I was tricked into believing that people were always going to be married and in love; that’s how it had always seemed in movies. Some part of me still believes this which is why it makes it harder to believe maybe they had fallen out of love. What a scary thought.

I don’t want to live in a world where I am constantly surrounded by people falling in and out of love…I want to be submersed in love. Love for others, love for myself, love for my struggles. As my eyes are opened to this idea of love, I begin to realize that maybe it’s impossible; what a scary thought.

Maybe it is just as easy to fall out of love as it is to fall into it. What a scary thought.

With all these thoughts in my head I still find myself holding onto a glimmer of hope that maybe somewhere there are people who are living the fairytale that I can only hope to one day obtain. 

Thursday, December 15, 2016

Dear Diary

I find that I fall so easy.
Convincing myself that he could be falling just as hard as I am.
Convincing myself that he could fall for my smile they way I thought his lit up a room.
Convincing myself that he could drown in my eyes the way his seemed to swallow me whole.
Convincing myself that he could enjoy my presence the way his turned my world upside down.
Convincing myself that he could see my flaws the way I had seen his;
Quiet reminders of imperfections that make him who he is.
They reminded me daily of why I had been falling so hard.

It's amazing how passing time can change your perspective

Monday, December 12, 2016

Short Story: Untitled

For the past seven months the covers had been made up perfectly on his side of the bed. Nothing remaining on his nightstand apart from the grey box she had received from his buddy in the Navy. After a long day at work she kicks off her shoes, lays on her side of the bed and thinks about the future they had planned together and can't help but wonder why he had chosen to cut their time short without leaving some sort of explanation.

Maybe the box holds all of the answers? Why he did what he did, why he didn't know that she wanted to help, why he didn't tell her why he left her the box at all. There's nothing she wants more then to open the box and know what could possibly be inside when all the outside says is "To My Love". Every time she runs her fingers over those letters she can't help but wonder whether or not he had really loved her. If he had, how could he leave her like this? Everyone reminds her just how much he had loved her, but she can't help but wonder why her love wasn't enough for him. If it wasn't enough for him, how could it be enough for anyone else?

Nearly jumping out of her skin from hearing the sound of the doorbell, she rushes to see who could be at the door. She slams the door open to find her mother and father-in-law standing in front of her, hand in hand, tears rolling down their faces. Without exchanging words she knows exactly why they're here. They are just as desperate to know what their only son might've left behind, hoping there may be some sort of explanation or reason inside that box. Not that it will bring him back or make this any easier, but maybe there is some sort of closure that they all need.

She leads them to the couch in the living room and leaves them there while she heads to her bedroom. Standing over the box she can't help but reminisce over all of her favorite memories and shed just a few more tears. Here, she decides that today is the day she will look back on and remember it as the day everything changed. The day she got the closure she deserves and can finally start to move forward in her life. She wipes the tears off her cheeks, picks up the box and heads out to the living room to open the box and start the life she know he would want her to live.

Saturday, December 10, 2016

Repetition By Phil Kaye

I decided to change it up a little bit and share one of my favorite pieces! I stumbled upon this poem one day, and I am so grateful. I feel like so much time is wasted in the mundane routine we all create for ourselves and this poem seemed to really illustrate that. It's so easy to get wrapped up in school, work and friends that we forget to enjoy life. Don't get so wrapped up in the routine. I hope you enjoy this poem just as much as I did and use it as a reminder to live!

I remember the bed just floating there.
Apart, apart, apart, apart.
My mother taught me this trick
If you repeat something over and over again it loses its meaning
For example:
Homework, homework, homework, homework, 
homework, homework, homework, homework, homework
See, nothing
Our existence, she said, is the same way.
You watch the sun set too often, it just becomes 6 PM
You make the same mistake over and over; you’ll stop calling it a mistake
If you just
wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up,
one day you’ll forget why
Nothing is forever, she said
My parents left each other when I was 7 years old
Before their last argument they sent me off to the neighbor’s house,
like some astronaut jettisoned from the shuttle.
When I came back there was no gravity in our home, beds floating
I imagined it as an accident, that when I left
They whispered to each other “I love you” so many times over
that they forgot what it meant
Family, family, family, family, family, family
My mother taught me this trick
If you repeat something over and over again it loses its meaning
This became my favorite game
It made the sting of words evaporate.
Separation, separation, separation;
see, nothing
Apart, apart, apart;
see, nothing

Thursday, December 8, 2016

Excerpt From a Book That Remains Unwritten

I got to the doctor and was finally called in, I followed the nurse, my parents not far behind. We get to the room and sit down. Little did we know, we wouldn't be the same people walking out of the room as we were those walking in. 

The nurse stayed and talked to us, trying to make jokes and make us laugh. At this point all I wanted was to hear that everything was fine so I could leave and get to class. After what seemed like an eternity, she leaves and the doctor finally comes in. She shakes my parents hands and gets right to it. I remember her exact words “I’m very sorry to say this but it is thyroid cancer.” I know she kept talking after she had said that but I heard nothing else, all I remember is that my feet went numb. Completely numb, as if they hadn't ever existed. 

I looked at my parents and saw faces looking back at me that I had never seen before. I hadn't started crying yet, I couldn't process what was going on. “Cancer? What is that? I have cancer? I cant have cancer, I have class in a few hours. I’m graduating and going away to school next year. I don't have time for this.” My mom gets up and walks to my side and hugs me and suddenly I’m dragged back into this nightmare. 

That’s all this is right? A nightmare. I’m going to wake up and everything will be fine. Again, with the reassuring that everything was going to be fine. Well now it wasn’t, and that was a fact. Nothing was fine. How could it be? I decide to start listening to the doctor as she discusses treatment options. 

One thing I will never forget her saying was that my odds were very good and that I had a great chance of beating this.

 A great chance of beating this?! I couldn't believe the words I was hearing. I was sitting there as a nineteen year old girl being told I had cancer and that my odds were “pretty good”. As if I had any other option other then to beat this. I have my entire life ahead of me and this woman is standing in front of me saying that I had a good chance of beating this. 

Clearly she didn't know me that well. 

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Words I Wish You Could Hear

All he knew were facts.
My favorite ice cream flavor, my love for dogs, my fear of butterflies. 
What he failed to learn were the things I wanted him to fight to get to know. 
The way a single sentence could turn my day upside down. 
How I felt like the luckiest girl just to be in his presence. 
The ambitions I had to change the world.
The way I found it so beautiful that people always leave little pieces of themselves wherever they go. 
These are the things he had failed to see. 
These are the things I keep protected and hidden away in fear that when I share them with someone they will take them from me. 
Not in the literal sense but in the sense that they will no longer be mine.
If only he had tried to break down my walls the way I had struggled with his on a daily basis.
Feeling unworthy of learning what he had hidden inside, I wonder why he thought he had seen all of me...known all of me. 

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Short Story: Cellar Door

At the young age of four she stood at the cellar door, looking down at what might be hiding down those stairs. "Go, you baby!" She hears her brother scream as he nudges her arm ever so slightly. Palms sweaty, little legs shaking like branches in the wind. She takes her first step down the wooden steps leading to the cellar.
Much to her surprise she makes it down the sixteen steps leading to the icy cement floor, something she had never been able to do alone before. Filled with triumph she whips herself around to the the look of approval on her brothers face. Just as quick as she was able to turn her head the cellar door slammed shut. She heard heard the cackle of her brothers laugh and the sound of his foot steps becoming muffled as he walks further and further away.
A million thoughts rush through her head as she looks right and left seeing nothing but darkness, wondering  what may be lurking just around the corner. Stretching her little arms as long as she can, the light switch remains just out of reach. Determined to to prove her brother wrong and show him that she really was brave, she straightened her back, took a deep breath and ventured out into the dark unknown.

Here Goes Nothing!

Ever since I was a little girl writing had always been something I loved to do. I would have journals and notebooks filled with stories I would always be working on. I found that writing had been the perfect way to escape from life for a little while. Whenever something had happened in my life that I wasn't able to face, I found that I could embrace it in my writing.

In my third semester of college I took a creative writing class where my love for writing was heightened. We were pushed to think outside the box and write all different types of papers including poems, short stories and even a sentence with exactly 100 words.

I have always wanted a place to share my work and some of my favorite writings and poems from other authors...I feel that this is the perfect place to start. Here goes nothing!